


Kill la Kill AU XLIX: Breaking and Entering

by Amoridere



Series: Kill la Kill Alternate Universe [19]
Category: Kill la Kill
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Carjacking, Crack, Drives Like Crazy, Ill Girl, Minor Injuries, Noodle Incident, Serious Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 02:32:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3793387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amoridere/pseuds/Amoridere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little crack fic told from Ryuu's POV when her sister and a few friends decided to wake her up at 2AM to  go on a B and E. Well, let's say that sort of concept is going to lead to something else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kill la Kill AU XLIX: Breaking and Entering

I hate being awakened at like 2 AM. Of course, it was 2 AM and I was awakened by Noogie, Mako, Nonie, Pointdextre, Gamagoori, "Blind Monkey" Uzu, and "Boy looks like a Girl" Shiro. There was a reason they had awakened me and that was because I am the only one with certain "B&;E" tools and has the know-how to use them. "Oh, alright, I'll go with you but, if we get in trouble, I'm tellin' Mommy and Dad it wasn't my idea." I said, coughing afterwards. To be honest, I am not even supposed to be moving around much, as I was sick not too long ago but was deemed well enough to go home, which makes being awakened and dragged out of the house at like 2 AM in the **_FUCKING_** morning all the more annoying.

We regrouped in the park and went about our plans, before Gamagoori said he's really gonna get in trouble with his mom 'cause she thinks he's at his uncle's house, to which Nui responded, "Dummy, you don't tell your parents anything and they aren't supposed to know anything, along with that fact that you don't tell your parents your going to be anywhere but home! Dad works all the time, Mom's asleep, Sats has asthma, Soroii doesn't work at this time of night, Aikurou lives in an RV, and Rei's mostly passed out in her own vomit, Houka's dad's in jail and his mom is too busy doing PTA stuff, Uzu's parents doesn't think he can do anything 'cause he maced himself in the face and that he can't see, along with being stupid as hell, Mako's parents are out of town, Shiro's parents are dead and he's taken care of by his great-aunt and uncle, and Nonie didn't say a damn thing to her parents because they're alcoholics, too busy with whatever the hell, and they don't care!"

Nui wasn't lying about Nono and the Dog's parents as, Houka's dad's in jail because he hacked into the system and changed his records (the hell Houka?! That was low even for you) and Nonon's parents really don't care, actually, that is why she spends about a lot of her time at our house when she isn't in jail, then again, she does owe us because we never did tell anyone about what she had to do with that one time with the crossbow, Ma's wheelchair, 200 gallons of jet-pack fuel, a jet pack, the gas station, a radio playing _"Equinox"_ by Skrillex, and how the remedial school got obliterated, again.

As we were making our way to our target designated by Nui, Mako said, "I sure hope Predator won't get us." Naturally, everyone rolled their eyes and said something along the lines of, "Mako, you're a dumbass." Of course, "Predator" was a code word Mako tended to use for my mother and how determined my mother can be, especially when she wished to hunt us down and drag us home to reprimand us and put us back to bed. At the moment, I was wishing for my mother to do just that. As we neared a fence, we heard a grunty noise and then , to which Mako said, "Predator...." and turned the flashlight towards the back. We looked in that direction and, sure enough, there was Mommy of mine. Naturally, everyone, 'cept me, started screaming climbing the fence, however, Noogie came over the fence to toss me over it. Be noted, she didn't check the ground for rocks, a grill, or, um, some garbage cans before she did that, as she had thrown me on top of something and it hurt like hell.

"Dammit, Noogie, you're supposed to check it for--OH SHIT!" I had said, as soon as I realized whose yard we were in. We was in that crazy old couple's yard and they had one evil dog. This was not our target, actually, our target was next door and I was thrown on top of a doghouse. I held still, although that didn't stop Noogie from taking me by the legs and hurling me over the fence of our designated target. **_BAM!_** Fell on garbage cans. "Dammit Nui!" I screamed to which she responded, "I'm sorry!"

Before we could say anything, a huge spotlight started beaming down on us. "Nu-Nu, if I end up in the hospital again, I will kick your ass!" I screamed. Of course, she didn't seem to hear me, as she hurled me through a window before she and the others jumped in themselves. Of course, I was pissed, had a splitting headache, and seeing stars. "Godblessit, dammit Nui, muthaf-- You punkass, don't you ever think?!" I asked her, holding onto my head. Once the pain subsided, I rubbed my hands together, clapped them, and sent her flying. Once that was done, we started exploring and heard a light switch click. "What're you doing in my house?!" a voice said. It came from an old bitch and said old bitch was holding a meat cleaver.

It took us no less than two seconds to see her holding that meat cleaver for us to bolt for her garage. Not knowing what else to do, Mako smashed the window of her car with a brick and we climbed in. Mako never told us she knew how to hot-wire a car and she did, which ended with me being thrown in the trunk (it's a station wagon) when she backed it through the garage door. "Buckle up, bitches!" she said, as she drove zig-zag, trying to avoid the cops.

Mako being Mako is very determined, determined so was she that she decided to drive zig-zag through houses and gas station, the latter of which exploded. We all know one thing is that somehow she learned how to drive, however, we all know not to let her drive again, this being the fourth in a long line of incidents (the one before this involved a pickup truck being entangled in wires, the first landed us in Los Angeles, and the third had her somehow in another alternate universe where that universe's Nui had two personalities).

Of course, with Mako driving, we were flying on top and right through about four buildings, sending a police chopper to the ground. "WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!" we all screamed, except Shiro, who opened the door, undid his seat-belt, and jumped out, screaming, "Easy choooooiiiiceeee!!!", after which he landed and hit a gas station, and Mako, who was screaming, "Whooo-hoooooo!" Honestly, I hope I am not a fool for not learning from this about Mako's driving.

We landed roughly and found out Mommy was following us on her motor scooter. Damn, she's persistent, then again, she's Ragyou Kiryuuin, my mother, and once she sets her eyes on the prize, there's no stopping her, which is true considering that she once got knifed in the neck and her side above her kidney twice in each (something else Nonon owes us for), set on fire, pushed into traffic and hit by twenty-six cars, put in a psychiatric hospital (for a third time, although that was Sunnie's fault), drunk on absinthe when she was in collage (something that, after which, she, Dad, and Mako's parents agreed to take to the grave), whacked in the head with a ten-pound hammer, tried to fix a microwave and had to explain how one of the one the tools got stuck in her hand, mauled by dogs, hit by a car when she was six, almost died giving birth to Sats, almost died while saving Nui (I don't remember this) almost lost a limb while saving Sunnie when she got in trouble with organized crime, struck by lightning (again, also Sunnie's fault), Mako almost breaking her arm, dragged into traffic, survived an explosion that sent her flying, beaten by cops, into bitch fight where she got knifed and shot, and had to deal with Rei's button being pushed (when that happens, the world cries).

With Mom, the cops, the SWAT team, and helicopters gaining on us, Nui took the wheel and stomped the gas pedal in, crashing head onto another car. My head was still spinning and my ears were still ringing and, frankly, I think I may have cracked a rib. I didn't know how much more I could take. "Nui, I don't think I can take any more. I've been thrown through two windows and I can't even see straight, actually, I am seeing...stars, and Shiro..., he,...um, ...umm, already took the easy out." I promptly said, yet, it seemed she didn't hear me in first place, as she hurled me into another car, letting Gamagoori drive.

As soon as he started, I said, "Oh, just kill me." Driving and spinning are two totally different things, yet, somehow, he managed to combine them, along with the fact that he couldn't decide as to whether or not he should drive forward or backwards and pulled a doodlebug, which caused Nonie to take the wheel. What happened next was something so weird that I'd much rather not even mention it but something got demolished and air raid sirens were going off, so that's cool, either way, somehow or another it ended with us on top of a semi and me being thrown right in the back of a pickup truck. Yeah, Nui can never seem to think things through, which she didn't, as, if she did, I wouldn't have been hurled in the back of a pickup truck.

With my head still spinning, my eyes starting to close, and it hurting to breath, I found myself thinking about two things. One, throwing up the dukes and admitting my unwilling part in this and two, about whether or not I'd be in the hospital and whose ass I should kick first.

It was dark for awhile before I awoke in the hospital, hooked up to machines, oxygen tubes, and things, along with my head being bandaged and wearing a neck brace. Mommy was there, stroking my hair, doing what she does typically, being Mommy. "I'm gonna be in here for awhile, aren't I?" to which she responded, "Yes, you will and even a bit more after you heal."

"Okay cool."

"I'm going to take a wild guess that you were not a willing participant."

"No, I was not, actually."

"Mmm-hmm. Good news."

"Good news what?"

"You're going to have company."

"I take it they kicked their own asses."

"Yes, they did, as driving a gas freighter into a bank and then a gas station is not a good idea, so that went as well as one would expect. If you're curious about Shiro, he's in full body cast, having broken three ribs, a hip bone, and has had to have a rod put in his back."

"Ouch."

"I take it you all learned?"

"I can't speak for them but I'm pretty sure I did. Wait, are we still going to go jail for this?"

"No, as getting injured the way you did is the punishment itself, considering that you've suffered a broken rib, dislocated ankle, a skull fracture, a sprained spine, a level three concussion, and a neck injury, Nui's arms are broken and she has eight stitches in her head, Mako's in a coma, Gamagoori's  in a lower body cast, Houka's left ankles and wrists have somehow turned backwards and they had to turn them back forward, also he's dislocated an arm, so he's going need a bit of physical therapy, Uzu has amnesia, and Nonon's fine, if having to wear brace for broken ribs and a dislocated spine counts as 'fine'."

Turns out I didn't have to kick their asses after all.


End file.
